Change is Permanent.
More than anyone else, I’ve been a staunch believer of this statement.
But times come when we feel the desire to question our own beliefs; when we need to rethink that which hasn’t been thought of; when things that make sense cease to hold their meaningfulness.
And then there are times we need to question the presence of the less obvious.
I write this because I just realized that changes might take place Externally, Physically or on a Surface plane. But nothing really changes within. The content within, the Emotions, the Metaphysical existence, the Psyche… They don’t change. Even if they do, we don’t call it change. We call it Evolution.
It hasn’t been long since I’ve come into being.
But it feels as though it has been so long ago since I emerged.
Many, while talking about their life’s journey, structure their statements, saying they have walked a long way. But I don’t feel I’ve moved an inch in mine.
As though I’ve been standing on the shore since ages, motionless; while at the same time, feeling and living the touch of the waves of happiness and sorrow that come to kiss me. And I may have stood there for nights and days, from storms to sunny morrows, witnessing the tides and ebbs, but I dare not change.
Time managed to pull the wool over my eyes.
Nothing has changed; neither the hope in my bosom nor the love in my soul.
I don’t feel any different, apart from the revulsion of being cheated.
It feels like an animated pre structured plot, wherein the victim is placed and is made to feel and Believe that he lives in reality. The only difference in him and me is that I feel the truth.
I commiserate with him for not knowing what life really means.
But at the same moment I feel worse for myself for not being able to feel life.
He is happy living in his fake world presuming, This is Reality.
And I can not afford to be happy, for I know I don’t belong here. Yet somehow, the only way I can bring home some peace is when I tell myself that I am safe here. No matter how absurd it may sound I need to learn how to make excuses, and how to accustom myself in here.
I know not since when. But I have been Existing…
I know not why. But I Stay…
I know not for how long. But I will Remain…
More than anyone else, I’ve been a staunch believer of this statement.
But times come when we feel the desire to question our own beliefs; when we need to rethink that which hasn’t been thought of; when things that make sense cease to hold their meaningfulness.
And then there are times we need to question the presence of the less obvious.
I write this because I just realized that changes might take place Externally, Physically or on a Surface plane. But nothing really changes within. The content within, the Emotions, the Metaphysical existence, the Psyche… They don’t change. Even if they do, we don’t call it change. We call it Evolution.
It hasn’t been long since I’ve come into being.
But it feels as though it has been so long ago since I emerged.
Many, while talking about their life’s journey, structure their statements, saying they have walked a long way. But I don’t feel I’ve moved an inch in mine.
As though I’ve been standing on the shore since ages, motionless; while at the same time, feeling and living the touch of the waves of happiness and sorrow that come to kiss me. And I may have stood there for nights and days, from storms to sunny morrows, witnessing the tides and ebbs, but I dare not change.
Time managed to pull the wool over my eyes.
Nothing has changed; neither the hope in my bosom nor the love in my soul.
I don’t feel any different, apart from the revulsion of being cheated.
It feels like an animated pre structured plot, wherein the victim is placed and is made to feel and Believe that he lives in reality. The only difference in him and me is that I feel the truth.
I commiserate with him for not knowing what life really means.
But at the same moment I feel worse for myself for not being able to feel life.
He is happy living in his fake world presuming, This is Reality.
And I can not afford to be happy, for I know I don’t belong here. Yet somehow, the only way I can bring home some peace is when I tell myself that I am safe here. No matter how absurd it may sound I need to learn how to make excuses, and how to accustom myself in here.
I know not since when. But I have been Existing…
I know not why. But I Stay…
I know not for how long. But I will Remain…
6 comments:
Being versus Knowing; the Ontological question versus the Epistemological question.
It might be that since we were created at a certain point, that we are able to change ontologically. Because our essence lacks eternality (in the since we have a beginning, but perhaps not an end), we are subject to evolve ontologically; our nature is not settled. Whereas, He who created all things, He who has Necessary Being, has always existed and is unchangeable in His intrinsic nature.
Still, perceiving this . . . knowing this . . . is a challenge riddled with uncertainty. It seems that, as created beings, we are obliged to fall back into the beneficent arms of our Creator and simply trust in His love. I guess this is the essence of faith?
What a very thought-provoking post. Glad I read it.
life,sans any purpose or meaning becomes nothing short of a stolid robotic existence.But therein, lies the problem.Who actually decides what is the purpose of our existence? is it us, or is it our enfeebled minds that give in to the various social norms that eulogise success in its form of most grotesque material possessions.
unless, our mind is free from the shackles enforced onto it by the society,we can never see a change in our thoughts and emotions because whatever changes do take place, they just happen to be superficial.evolution in its true sense isn't that easy to achieve. i dont want to sound that pessimistic but it took gautam buddha an entire lifetime to evolve into what he ultimately became,'the enlightened one'
@ Nathan...
It's been really long... and i apologise for it.
"Faith", to me, now seems like a comic word.
"Uncertainty" however on the other hand is one word I've started to like! (if not love!)
Its not faith or rebellion that drove me to write this. Its an Undefined, Unsaid and Restrained feeling creeping from the core of my heart into the veins of my physical existence. I can't ignore it even if I wanted to.
@ Abhishek
Well, what more can i say, i had a never ending discussion with my father last evening, over the same philosophy.
Not that there is a generation gap between, but he was trying to, in a way, shackle me down to the norms of the society. Being the untamed black sheep of the family, I refused to his prophecy.
And yes, I refuse to live a mechanical life. I don't wish to be an antisocial element; I mean no harm to anyone. But that doesn't keep me from protecting my emotions and thoughts from the scrutinising and judgemental eyes of the society.
Evolution is a word in itself that is pregnant with the spectacle of transformation from a being into a greater one, over the time. I agree with you when you say it takes a long time to evolve.
We haven't evolved (as yet). But I can tell who achieved it, who are in the process of achieving it; who deny it; and who are plain fascinated by it but are powerless.
Where do you think we belong?
well, to be frank, i belong to a fourth kind, ppl who r in the process of evolving but are powerless.i had a fairly rebellious adolescent life but i gave in to the social norms when it mattered the most,ie. when i had to make a career choice.i cant blame any1 else,but subconsciously the pressure to conform 2 such norms was always there and i caved in to that.a few months into my engg and i realised this was not my calling, not out of incompetence (i've had a fairly good academic record here as well), but due to general lack of motivation, bt there ws no goin bak.nw i have a respectable job offer but i really dt knw hw long i'll b able 2 continue lyk dis.
and unfortunately, i'm nt alone.i'll admit it, i belong to a minority but still, its a sizeable minority.
someday, some of us might give up all this to go after our true calling.but that requires enormous strength of character.to give up financially secure job and do something that might not be economically viable 4 quite sometym is nt that easy.that is where the true test of character lies. so 4m my xp, i can tell u, evolution is nt that easy,it exacts its own price!
Well, I know you are one of the huge minority. And it is only because you hear your inner voice. The rest are unaware of its sweet songs, and thus continue to run in the blind rat race! However, i can read your helplessness.
Finding your way to the true calling doesn't always need all that Rebellion, Courage and Determination. Sometimes, all it needs is a little planning.
I've always wanted to be a Painter. So i Paint. Nobody holds a grudge for my passion, since i buy my own paint, canvases and tools (for which i work); and get the best grades (that's a boon- i dont read much, yet i score well!)
People around me used to believe that like most other painters i'll starve in poverty to death. But i have Other dreams to support me. Human Psychology is the very breath i breathe, i know i was born to study and enhance it. Plus, soon i'll enter the Teaching stream line, taking up Psychology in prophecy.
Dreams dont come true.
But well planned dreams, executed with confidence and determination, Do come true.
Structure your passion. Its difficult, yet not impossible.
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